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This Spectacled Bear just ate your perky, young wife and beautiful newborn baby at a church picnic. What are you going to do about it? Yeah. That's right: Nothing. Whatever the hairless bear wants, the hairless bear gets. Standing in her way is a joke; the punchline is you getting swiftly decapitated and your chest torn into soggy confetti.
The phone number for the National Resource Center for Child Protective Services is 505-345-2444. If you see a parent annoying the hell out of their infant with some stupid shit like this, please call. That facehuggered baby deserves better.
"Oh, Hitomi, I'm so afraid to meet your mom. She's gonna hate me. I'm 22, jobless, and I still live in my parent's basement. What kind of fiance am I?"
"Honestly? If you don't eat her limbs or spray the house down with nuclear flame, she'll probably be happy."
"Well, that's kind of comforting. Thanks, baby."
"No problem. And just remember, hun: As long as we're together, nobody else matters. And with that giant monster wang of yours, I ain't goin' nowhere."
She wants a baby. He wants a Cleveland Steamer. I want both of them to go to an interior design class.
