seems pretty pleased with himself

Indeed. Most pirates were gay.

go! jigga man!

Well, if this blatantly altered image is taken at face value, then Jay-Z and I are friends. See, while I can't get a good look at the other two cards, the top one has Metagross on it. Metagross is super awesome at everything (except battling ground- and fire-types - then the thing just sucks ass) and so is one of my favorite Pokemon. And, of course, if two people like the same Pokemon - even if one of those people is arguably the most famous rapper on the planet - then they are automatically best friends forever. Duh.

extra msg, please

Just like here in the States, Peru is dotted with Chinese restaurants. And, yes, just like here they occasionally take shit way too far.

suspenders rock

According to legend, if you cover yourself in the blood of an adult goose, scream at the top of your lungs and run as quickly and as wildly as you possibly can, you can enter Larry King's underground Brooklyn sanctuary and have at all of his Russian/troll Jew gold without him detecting your presence. According to legend.

it's a wonderful... oh, no

So, you're a banana - which sucks right off the bat because you're produce and your existence is tied heavily to the fact that humans have been greatly interested in breeding, harvesting and eating your people for thousands of years - and now your life has come to a swift close as a homoerotic punch line by a couple of douchebags in a hotel room. Wow.

mistakes

Is it? Is it really a trap? Check again, fish-man: It's the biggest non-trap ever. In fact, it's a room with no walls and a wide open ceiling.

Damn. You've wasted your whole life, bro.

shoppin'

Marvel at this completely true-to-life and entirely unaltered image of Britney Spears shopping at Walmart with a cart full of alcohol and three kids, one of which is apparently a baby-version of Adam Lambert. Fascinating stuff.

look at me! i didn't do anything for three months! how awesome am i?!

No kidding. It's been, like, three months. If this were the only website that Antarctic scientists had access to, they surely would have all slaughtered each other by now from sheer boredom. And that frozen, doctor blood would be on my hands.

christmas is awesome

Well, well, well. Looks like Santa's got himself a stiffy.

No. That was wrong. I take that last comment back: We all have a major stiffy. Santa is simply the least comfortable with rocking it.

i'll be most impressed if he flushes and washes up afterwards

That restroom floor is so fucking dirty. I hope somebody got fired over this picture.